ALONE

Have you ever had the feeling that you are alone in the world, that everyone has deserted you? Worst feeling in the world right? Well that's how I feel at the moment. It makes me angry that my love is never reciprocated and I'm not sure why it hurts so much, especially because we are only talking about friendships. I'm not sure why I am not able to love my family like I do my friends. For example, I care more about what my friends think of me, or whether or not they care for me as much as I care for them, than I do my family. It never bothers me when I loose contact with a family member but yet I try so hard to keep in touch with all my friends. It's completely screwed up, i know!!! But I can't help it. Perhaps it's bc I subconsciously know, or hope, that my family will never desert me, no matter what we go through. But I'm not too sure anymore. My mother and I keep having all these arguments about me wanting to leave and be on my own. For example, she came in today and gave me this whole speech on my "hate" for my sisters and her and all these other nonsense... truth be told half the time she makes me hate them,  her prophesies become true cause the longer she presses the issue, the more i resent her and everyone else. I know that you may not understand the situation but I have this feeling like i'll loose her like i'm loosing everyone else.